On Marriage

An open love letter to my Groom:

About 10 years ago I made a decision after God had smacked me (a second time) in the head to get me to listen. It wasn't easy. He wanted me to choose what He had for me, rather than what *I* wanted. I left hopes and dreams and my rose colored glasses behind with many tears as I mourned every step with resistance to His will. I tried to backtrack several times (about 2 years worth) before I went to "One Day" and encountered His will.
That was... Him.
Only Him.
No more men, boys, guys... Only HIM.
Wow. Um, I didn't know how to be single. To NOT date at least. I only knew how to be a part of something. To give of myself, in ways good AND bad. To be dependent.... but not on whom I should have been. Him. How would I survive without help? Seriously, self esteem, money and partnership came from those relationships. They were important.
That summer, 2000, was life changing. Starting with 'One Day', and continuing into the fall, once I bowed to His will and made Him 'the One', that's when my life that I was hunting for started. He provided me with the best paying, most lenient job I have ever held. He provided my head with a pillow, even on the day when I didn't know where it was going to be that afternoon! He spoke to me in ways I have not heard His voice since. I sought after His heart, every day, but especially on Saturday nights, on my "Date Night" with God at the college group prayer meeting.
That said, it wasn't an easy thing to do. It was hard. REAL hard. I worried about ever getting married or having children. I worried about the timeline I had set out for myself. How would I find someone if I was not busy looking and establishing? Everyone knows that takes work and time.
That summer I lived with different friends, my pastor, at camp, in Amman, Jordan, at Gail's house... you see, I had no house. All of my things were in storage. My life was on hold. Or, so I thought. Turns out, not so much.
By the end of the summer I was working in a fly by night job, interviewing for the position of my life. And I didn't even know it.
John offered me a job position in his store. I accepted. From there we grew to know one another rather well. Becky approved of him, and we TRIED not to start a relationship. We failed. It was something that we fell into, that we had no control over. I pleaded with God for it not to be right. To tell me 'no'. It wasn't what I wanted. I searched, one night at prayer meeting, for any 'NO'... even went to the Old Testament... it would be there at least, right? No. I looked for other signs, every time getting a positive.
What I kept finding was what has sustained me.
1 Corinthians 14:1a
"Pursue Love"
It takes work. You pursue it. It is not effortless. I have to work at it. I have to make it a priority. And most importantly, I have to remember the next part: "yet desire earnestly spiritual gifts..."
That means, to me, keep God in perspective. HIS majesty, His control, His POSITION as number one. Not number 2. Not something to honor occasionally. He is what makes it possible to pursue.
This, for the last 6 years, has held true. 1 Corinthians 13 is true, beautiful, necessary and profound, but the key to it's perfection is usually skipped- 14:1... Pursue Love. Work at it and remember God's place in it.
In the years since we have hit some massive bumps. We will never be the couple 50 years down the road who says, 'We never fought'. Yet- we are also so blessed. I think, more so. We know God's plans for us and His will for our relationship. Granted, we might not understand it, but we know it is such, and it gets us through when we want to quit. I love that about us. I love that when I asked you on the dock at University Lake rather or not you could be a Godly husband and you said you could try. Neither of us makes the perfection mark. We both have tons of growth to go.... but it's the act of Pursuing.
Thanks for Pursuing it with me.


Happy 6th Anniversary, John. I love you.