Archives from: a little pregnant

a little pregnant: Jesus gay, I'm pregnant. Archives

Entry 5/31/2004 "The light of a thousand suns"

Seriously, a vast part of this post could have been written by me, this morning.

You have never seen a fainter positive in your life.

To see a second line, you'd have needed NASA-grade optics, the ability to convince yourself that the Earth is flat, and the light of a thousand suns. But there was a second line.

I stared at the line for about an hour. By 7 AM I could wait no longer, and made my poor beleaguered husband wake up, put on his reading glasses (or as we call them in these days of PIO, his stickin' glasses), and stumble into the bathroom for a consultation.

Me: Okay, first look at this one. [Brandishes negative test from last cycle. Paul peers owlishly at test.] Now check out this one. [Shoves new test practically up Paul's nose. Time passes. Paul stares, holds it up to the light, squints, does everything but take the fucking thing apart.] See, I think there's something there. I mean, you need to want to see it...but I think there's a second line there.

Paul: [Stares fixedly at test. Stares at the negative. Stares at the new one. Stares some more. And more. For about an hour.] Well... [Pauses for another hour and a half.] I think there's something there...

I spent the rest of the day in the bathroom, staring, boring a hole in the test with the force of my gaze. The thing practically started to smoke, so powerful was my concentration. (And, really, nothing says home like the smell of burning pee.)

Okay, so John was at work... but you get the idea!